10 more lodge themes

By Trey Murray

Richmond College '08

Editor's Note: The Collegian recognizes that this opinion submission may be offensive to some members of the Richmond community, but it does not necessarily reflect the views of The Collegian staff. The Collegian has not turned away any opinion submission since the hiring of the current staff last spring. This submission is part of a campus dialogue that began last week in response to an article, Straight out of Compton (Vol.2).

While reading last week's Colleeg online (paper is for ninnies), I stumbled across a column discussing the 10 themes that the author thought the lodges should have. Apparently, one word used in that column generated a ton of self-righteous witch hunting in the comments section. I couldn't help but partake. The people who were complaining seemed pretty arrogant and sounded like the type of people that smoke pipes and act like snobs about sushi. They did have one thing going for them, though: The column was offensive. Not for the reasons they listed, but because there are so many other great possibilities out there for lodge themes that were left off the list. So, I've decided to submit a list of my own (what would a Collegian be without some sort of list?) I have to give a shoutout to roommates past and present for help with this list, and here it is:

10. Jesuit Bros and Huguenot Hos.

9. Pigtails and Retainers. Good thing Chris Hansen is gone already.

8. Nickelodeon characters. Wait, what if I go as Skeeter? Is blueface acceptable?

7. Afros and Jewfros.

6. Put a breathalyzer at the door. Forget signing the list. If you can fail a sobriety test, you're in.

5. If you're not from America, Go Home Party. No commies, please. USA! USA!

4. Sweatpants and Viagra.

3. Non-alcoholic beer theme, just don't tell anybody.

2. Lehman Bros and Goldman Sachs Hos. Just kidding, there wouldn't be any women at Goldman Sachs.

1. Sunni Bros and Shiite Hos. I guess the Bias Response Team might take issue with that, but I'm pretty sure they don't actually do anything or have any sort of real power. And hey, they're on our payroll.

Does this list make me nothing more than some two-bit, second-rate, wannabe shock jock? Probably. But if any of this, or in the case of last week's column, the word "povo," really offends you, then your priorities are clearly not in order. After all, they're just words.