The Collegian
Sunday, December 10, 2023

Give us input or give us death

Dear Birds and the Bees faithful and casual readers,

This is the fifth week of the semester, and that means it is time for a group article. The problem is that we could not agree on any one topic.

This wouldn't be a problem if we lived in a democracy, but University Forest Apartment 507 is not a democracy. It is an oligarchy ruled by four very benevolent dictators. None of the four could agree.

I, Mycal Kelly, staged a coup in favor of "The adventures of Sam and Lam in the apartments," but it was swiftly defeated in an act of merciless military deployment. But, like many revolutions, the defeat ended in compromise.

My last act before surrender was to plead for my people. The following declaration was issued by the Joint Chiefs of 507 and the Lamarc-C.-headed Department of Offense:

"We want to know what our readers are curious about, so the Birds and the Bees would like to know what you, our readers, want us to discuss for next week's article. Send an e-mail to Mycal Kelly (, and we will choose the best questions to respond to. This is our way of giving you the chance to communicate with us, as we all attempt to bridge the communication gap."

Do not let my revolution die with my position in the ruling class. I spent all my political capital (and all of my "expendable troops") to get this from the ashes of my burned hopes and dreams.


The Fallen Delegate

Enjoy what you're reading?
Signup for our newsletter

Support independent student media

You can make a tax-deductible donation by clicking the button below, which takes you to our secure PayPal account. The page is set up to receive contributions in whatever amount you designate. We look forward to using the money we raise to further our mission of providing honest and accurate information to students, faculty, staff, alumni and others in the general public.

Donate Now