Q: I've been seeing this guy for a few months, and I want to get more serious. We got together at the end of last year and didn't talk much over the summer, but we're back on now. The problem is that he always wants me to come to his fraternity on the weekend (pretty much refuses to separate from them, in fact), and makes excuses when I want to hang out during the day, sober. He devotes his attention to me entirely when I'm in his element, but refuses to go anywhere I want, ever. Should I leave him, or do you think things can change? Help!
A: This is a classic example of a love triangle. Is he really dating you? Or is he dating his fraternity? You need to be sure that he wants to spend quality time with you outside of the fraternity and the parties, socials, etc. that come with it.
I think what you need to do, to find out for sure whether he is dedicated to your relationship or not, is to take a break from him. A week, a month -- however long you think is necessary.
But, let me be the first to say that this does not mean you two are breaking up; rather, a trial period for both of you to see what it's like without the other.
The classic line, "You don't know what you got 'til it's gone," is very fitting in this situation. Right now your man is taking you for granted, so you need to show him what life is like without you.
I know that this break will be hard for you especially because of how much time you've dedicated to this relationship, but this is also a great chance for you to be sure that he is worth your time.
You need to seriously take into account the fact that he continually blows you off and only wants to see you on the weekends. Do you think he can change? Be honest with yourself.
Does the break make him want to change? Be prepared: there is a chance that his fraternity will just fill in the empty space you left behind, making the break a permanent fixture. If that happens, then you have your answer: This guy is not going to change. Ever (Or at least right now).
If he seems to be faltering in his commitment to his fraternity during the break, or if you start receiving more texts or phone calls from him -- or even if he "runs into you" a lot around school -- then you are good to go. He's realized he made a mistake and just might be willing to turn things around.
If this happens, give him a little bit more time to truly appreciate your absence, but don't be cruel. When you're ready to get back together, ask him out to a romantic D-Hall dinner date and be frank about your goals and needs in the relationship. If he really wants you back, he'll agree to your terms.
The rest is up to you!