Ask Eric: How to speak your partner's love language

Editor's Note: Ask Eric is an advice column published every Tuesday. Anonymous questions are taken from this Google form. Questions are also taken from both The Collegian's Instagram, @thecollegianur, and via email, collegianaskeric@gmail.com. 

Hello all,

As I do not have any questions that required a week-long study like the sandwiches, I will instead start with a little motivation for myself and all of you. I find myself thinking rather often in my senior year just how much work I have to do. From essays to my thesis, to applying to medical schools, it seems like I have less time than ever to do things I enjoy. I then think back to all the work I have done during my college career and immediately feel sympathy for those who are in that position now (people in Organic Chemistry, I see you, and I swear it gets better). 

In the slump that comes with the middle of the semester it is important to make myself take breaks. Sometimes I go for walks or play a video game or go work out. Even when I “have to” do something, taking a few minutes to do something you like is immensely helpful. You can do it, you are strong, you are competent. Now let’s get to the questions.

What is the best campus study spot?

Personally, how I study is a little weird. I tend to sit down in one place until I feel like I can not focus anymore, then I get up and move somewhere else. Usually, this results in me walking around my apartment. However, when I am studying around campus, I have a few favorite spots. First, I love the International Center courtyard. On warm days, you can sit in the shade or the sun, and it usually gets a gentle breeze -- very relaxing. I would say this is the best place to study on campus. If you are looking for somewhere on the Westhampton side of campus, the Greek theater is very nice and is also very close to the green, so going between the two is a pastime of mine. 

Would you like to see more advice columns pop up to start conversations on campus, or is yours the definitive one? 

While I enjoy being the best advice column on campus by virtue of being the only one on campus, I think more advice columns and other such things that take into consideration student’s questions would be very welcome. I, unsurprisingly, am just one person, and I will be unable to answer every question and concern that is posed to me every week. Additionally, there are certain things on campus that I do not know enough about to be comfortable addressing. For example, I am not in Greek life, so while I can observe the effects that Greek life has on the campus, I have little insight on how to improve its functioning as I do not know its structures. So believe me when I say that the more places that pop up for the average, or un-average, student to voice their concerns, the better. I would probably write into any new advice columns as well.

Where is B-School? I keep hearing about it!

I assume this is coming from someone new to the campus, or otherwise, someone who finds themselves rather clever -- regardless I will answer the question. So, the academic quad is on the Richmond side of campus and has Ryland, Weinstein, and Jepson halls. Up on the hill at the end of the quad stands the Robins School of Business, shining like the temple at Delphi down on us humble humanities majors. 

But in all seriousness the University of Richmond does have a fantastic business program, AND the building houses Lou’s, so it is worth a look.

How can I love my partner better through their love languages?

Time again for my favorite time of the week -- Eric, the relationship adviser. Allow me to slip into my oddly patterned sweater vest. 

So, the first important step is communication. First of all, a love language is a way in which a certain person likes to be shown affection. Some people like to be told that you love them, others like to be shown, that sort of thing. To love your partner through their love languages, you need to know what those are. I know it may be awkward to ask your partner these questions, but believe it or not magically figuring out how someone likes to have feelings of affection expressed towards them is hard. Also, asking your partner about their love languages allows them to think about them if they haven’t before. 

The second important step is following through. Knowing what your partner’s love languages are is not enough. You need to address them, especially if they are different than yours. You may not understand why your partner wants you to say “I love you” all the time or why they are ecstatic when you bring them food without needing to be asked, but if it is meaningful to them you need to make it meaningful to you. Your significant other getting joy from your actions should be enough of a reason to do them.

Well, that’s all from me for this week. I now am off to force my lovely editors to fix the heinous mess that is the first draft of this column. If I did not get to your question this week, I apologize, but I am only allowed so many words and this week had a lot of submissions. As always, if you have any serious problems, please contact Counseling and Psychological Services for help. So long, and remember, you got this.

Sincerely,

Eric Bossert