I like to think of myself as an objective gatherer of news and information - an unbiased observer of all things around me. But something I saw at the Spiders vs. Georgetown game a few weeks ago has been weighing on my heart since: pastels.
I don't like judging people for how they dress. I'm not the best-dressed person on campus. However, looking around the crowd of students at the game, I realized that I'm not the worst dressed either. I don't know how or when men thought that wearing pink cashmere sweaters, baby blue dress shirts and tartan ties was acceptable, but it's just not. Fellas, please, sailboats belong in the ocean, not on your pants. I'm not joking. Literally, I saw a guy just the other day wearing white pants with blue sailboats imprinted on them. To top it off, he was wearing a pink polo and, no bs, he had a white sweater
TIED AROUND HIS NECK!
I have a theory as to origins of the Richmond pastel epidemic. I think its one of those self-perpetuating Richmond lies that people pass around like joints at a Dave Mathews concert. Lies such as "Richmond students are apathetic about politics," or "People drink so much on campus because there is nothing else to do," or my favorite lie, "Richmond is a bubble; it's impossible to get off campus if you don't have a car." There is a bus people! Get a bike; it's a 20-minute ride to Carytown! You see my point - it's kind of like that. Richmond is a bubble. Students are apathetic. Pastels are attractive.
I'm not doing this to be an asshole, really. I'm doing this for the benefit of those who may be suffering with an appallingly awful wardrobe. If you think that you may be one of those who dresses in this way, please, put on your plaid pants, your light yellow shirt and blue Vineyard Vines tie, look in the mirror and ask yourself, "Do I look like a dork?" If the answer is yes, take the tie back to the bookstore, the pants and shirt back to J.Crew, and stop trying so hard. Just relax, throw on some old jeans and a T-shirt, put the sweater on (not tied around your neck) and stop trying so hard!
If you don't take this step, I promise you, once you leave Richmond people will laugh at you. Maybe your mom dressed you like that, but you are in college now. Time to mature a little. Do I think all pastels are bad? No. I'm only saying that they should never compose your whole outfit. Wear those Vineyard Vines sandals, but leave it at that. Don't then pile on a pair of orange lobster print pants and a light green sweater. And whatever you do, don't walk into a job interview dressed like that. They are going to give the job to the guy in the Calvin Klein suit.
Contact David Larter at email@example.com