The Collegian
Friday, August 12, 2022

A Mad-Lib Opinion Column

In addition to making the prerequisite series of fart jokes in my opinion column each week, part of my job as your assistant opinion editor is to motivate you students to write in with your own thoughts, rants, points of view, secret teacher crushes, etc.

There are two ways to do this. The first, of course, is to say something controversial and provokingly divisive.

Something to get people mad. So here goes: the coordinate system is useless, the administration is way too uptight and too many students are up their own asses with political correctness. Done.

But just in case that didn't raise your ire enough, I've prepared for you an easy, simple and fun way to WRITE YOUR VERY OWN OPINION COLUMN!

I've taken your standard, whiney opinion article, deleted some words, and left the rest for you to write. That's right, it's a Mad-Lib Opinion Column! So choose a topic, fill in the blanks and get writing.

My Very Own Opinion Column

To fill out the "Mad-Lib Opinion Column" online, copy and paste the entry below into the "Comments" section at the bottom of this page.

Hello, my name is __________ (your name) and I'm a ____ (first, second, third, fourth)-year student here at Richmond. I'm writing in because I'm totally __________ (emotion) about one thing: __________ (your topic).

Now, __________ (your topic) might not seem like a big deal to most people. But it is to me. For ___ (number) years I've stood by and watched this happen.

It's tearing this campus apart. I've seen fellow students __________ (verb) all day and night because of it. In fact I couldn't fall asleep last night because everyone was __________ (-ing verb) so hard.

The student body is far too __________ (adjective) about this issue. They're content to ignore ___________ (your topic) instead of fighting __________ (group name).

All they want to do is drink __________ (brand of cheap liquor) until they black out and wake up in __________ (campus building) with a __________ (noun) in their ___________ (body part). Terrible - it makes me want to throw up my __________ (menu item at the Pier).

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There's only one thing to blame for this here at Richmond and that's __________ (the bubble, lack of school spirit, high tuition, student apathy, zombies). We've got to __________ (verb) to change things around here or we'll all end up like ___________ (a celebrity you can't stand).

And the funny thing is, it didn't always used to be like this. I remember back in __________ (historical period), when kids were able to sit back, __________ (verb) and watch "Who Wants to be a __________" (occupation).

So, Richmond students, I challenge you to think over __________ (your topic) this weekend before you get drunk and head out to some __________ (apartment party, lodge party, umm why are those the only types of parties on this campus?).

Oh, and by the way, I think Michael Gaynor is __________ (hot, super-hot, way-too-hot). That is all.

Contact staff writer Michael Gaynor at michael.gaynor@richmond.edu

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