The Collegian
Friday, June 09, 2023

Straight out of Compton (Vol. 7)

Four (Really Trivial) Things This School Needs:

Fireplaces. In the library? In the Commons? In my room? One, anywhere, would suffice. But let's just talk about this new "game room" in the Commons. I've seen some pretty funky-looking things rising from the ground and they redid the ceiling, but no one thought to add a fireplace? Excuse me, but the most collegiate image I can create in my head is students sitting by a fire (hello, fire represents knowledge in every symbol-infused literature analysis I've ever endured) discussing life and what have you. Put a picture of that in the alumni magazine and I guarantee you the thing will pay for itself! I've heard North Court has some sketchy non-functioning fireplaces, but really though, I'd like to see the real thing.

More accessible beverages, at more accessible times. I'm not talking about vending machines, because anyone who drinks fountain drinks can tell you it's just not the same -- and after 9 p.m. you're out of luck to quench your thirst with a nice, semi-watered down Diet Coke. I propose ETC and the Dean's Den (which is just a glorified vending machine anyway) install soda fountains. If I can get organic and vegan-friendly crackers (i.e. really obscure food products), I should be able to have fountain Diet Coke at my disposal at the times I need it most.

A Chanello's on campus. I simply don't understand how no pizza venue has considered the money they would rake in were they that accessible to campus and could eliminate delivery time and costs. Especially if strategically located near the lodges and/or the apartments, there is no doubt that business would boom. Late-night weekend munchies are something completely lacking on this campus, considering ETC, the Pier and D-Hall pretty much do not function Friday evening through Sunday night (excepting D-Hall brunch, which is obviously fantastic). I don't really want to talk about what all that cheesy-bread and garlic dipping sauce would do to my physical health, but I think we all know that at 2 a.m. in the B3 lounge we're not thinking about beach week bods. We want pizza.

Zip cars. While the past three suggestions have been admittedly superficial, a form of car rental service is a legitimate need for those of us who came to school sans-automobiles. I know we've got GRTC, but the routes can be a bit inconvenient (I should know, two friends and I ended up in downtown Richmond trying to get to the Broad Street Target last September. It was rather traumatizing). Cars available for renting would not only encourage exploration off campus (insert complaint about the Richmond bubble here) but would eliminate the awkwardness of finding rides and borrowing cars, or from the side of those with their own cars, the reluctance to hand over your keys. No one likes a mooch.

Contact reporter Susie Compton at

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