The Collegian
Friday, February 23, 2024

Why so serious?

Bright sunshine streams into the window of my University Forest Apartment on a fall Friday afternoon. The foliage blankets the trees in gold, orange and crimson. There is a certain crispness in the air: It is not too cold and it is not too hot. Perfect weather to relive elementary school recess games.

Why recess games you ask? I'll tell you why: BECAUSE THEY'RE FUN!

During the past few weeks, I have participated in everything from kickball to capture the flag to dodgeball ... and that was all on campus. When I go babysit twin third-graders, and the activities range from scootering, the classic football catch game of "500," freeze tag and much more. The time I spend playing games from yesteryear makes me feel like an elementary school all-star.

What if there were professional kickball leagues as prominent as the MLB? The new NFL could be the NDL: National Dodgeball League. Scootering is the new NASCAR. Freeze tag takes over track and field. And vegetables taste like caaaaaaandy!

OK, so the last part is definitely not possible (but if it is, please let me know). But I think that a professional elementary school sports league is possible.

Who doesn't enjoy an intense game of dodgeball? I'm sure one game will bring you back to Mrs. Wilkinson's third-grade class at Maybeury Elementary School, or maybe that's just me. The thrill of competition was instilled in me through dodgeball at an early age. A game that involves pelting people with large rubber balls and shrieking like warriors? Sign me up.

Well, dodgeball is usually best as a rainy day recess game. What about a game to play on a nice, crisp, cool afternoon in the sun? Kickball it is!

Easier hand-to-eye (or rather, hand-to-foot) coordination skills than baseball or softball, and in some unfortunate cases, T-ball, kickball is an excellent way to show schoolyard prowess even after college. Many companies have intra-office kickball tournaments. Never fear, seniors, we'll still have a chance to act like crazed kiddos when we get a chance to shine on the corporate kickball diamond.

What better way to get to that corporate kickball game than to scooter, of course! Zipping along the busy sidewalks of a bustling metropolis on your blue Razor scooter, you exude childhood. All you need is a Power Rangers hard-plastic lunchbox, Little Mermaid backpack stuffed with Beanie Babies and a huge wad of Bubble Tape gum and you're back in kindergarten. Scootering to work (or class) is just another way to "go green," and channel your innerchild at the same time.

Maybe I'm crazy for writing a column about dodgeball, kickball, scootering and more. Or it could be my subconscious telling me that I am, in fact, in denial of the light-speed effect senior year has on my soul (and an old soul too, since I'm turning 22 on Nov. 8 ... *wink, wink, nudge, nudge.* I like the black and white Ukrop's cake).

Regardless, you cannot say after scootering around the block that it wasn't fun. Though you may get a welt, dodgeball is always a great laugh (unless you get pelted in the face ... then someone is usually crying). Hardly anything rivals an epic kickball homerun, except maybe a walk-off, Grand Slam homerun in the World Series, but how often does THAT happen? Swishing the last shot in knockout or banking in a behind-the-back shot in HORSE is comparable to winning the NCAA Championship as an elementary schooler. Sprinting across enemy territory in a game of capture the flag and waving the enemy flag in your hand as you cross back into the safe zone evokes images from a World War II film.

Essentially the fun and games don't stop once you leave elementary school. Many of us wish we could hop on the Magic Schoolbus and time-machine it back to elementary school for one hour of recess. My "Dear Abby" suggestion for filling this void? Babysit some rambunctious nuggets and force them to play outside, with tons of neighbor kids. It could turn into a regular "Sandlot"-esque kickball league. Now, last one in is a rotten egg, but the first one there has to eat it!

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