The Collegian
Thursday, March 28, 2024

Irene's knocking on your door, so answer

Fifty mph gale force winds, "Come on Eileen" looping, several bottles of wine, one brave China Panda delivery man, various instances of loud female shrieking, a case of PBR and four frumpy outfits later, the ladies of 601 can officially say they made it through Irene with minimal bodily damage and a much better understanding of storm preparation.

Here are a few things that we learned...

Lesson one: When you stock up on decorative candles, be sure that you have some form of fire readily available. Without a lighter, matches or flint and steel in sight, we had to opt for a mini flashlight when the power outed... certainly not as flattering as candlelight... but hey, everything's a learning experience.

Lesson two: In a state of natural disaster, calories don't count. Since it's the beginning of the year, we are still in our "healthy food" craze and our cupboards are full of healthy, outrageously unsatisfying snack options. We didn't fully consider the fact that hurricanes can be an emotional time...so next time we will be sure to load up on Doritos, taquitos, perhaps some pre-emptive Taco Bell, etc. It is an undeniable rule of femaledom that you cannot gain weight under stressful, scary or naturally disastrous circumstances.

Lesson three: When it comes to hurricane communication, establish a flashlight system or learn Morse code because the chances your cell phone service will hold up long enough for you to text the boy you want to cuddle with to come over and protect you from the storm are slim to none.

Lesson four: Keep a variety of take out menus available... when New Lin Garden wouldn't deliver in the hurricane, we were able to fall back on the fearless employes of China Panda to provide us with our savory storm take out -- nothing like a belly full of MSG to get you through nature's torments.

Lesson five: When they tell you to stock up on hurricane supplies, you can bypass the duct tape and flashlight aisle and head straight for the beer, wine and liquor. When cell service, electricity and driving fails you, alcohol will keep you warm, entertained and off the roads for hours.... Duct tape, flashlights and uncontaminated water don't stand a chance.

Lesson six: In the event that the lights go out and the transformer emits carbon into the atmosphere causing an eerie green light to envelop you and your roommates, the most productive thing to do is shriek, fall to the floor and hold each other. Yes, this will protect you from the darkness and the aliens....

Like most experiences in life, Irene was certainly a learning one... when Mother Nature decides to strike again, we will be ready. But on that note, Momma Nature, I'd like to graduate alive and with a car unscathed by fallen tree limbs and quaking tectonic plates, so maybe you could take it easy on us for a while?

Contact writer Gyra Chan at gyra.chan@richmond.edu

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