So, I know that I recently wrote an article about how I am no longer the lodge star that I once was, but even I, retired lodger, would like the chance to revisit my old sophomore/junior roots every once in a while just to make sure that nothing has changed.
Though it's not necessarily my scene anymore, I can fall asleep in peace on Friday and Saturday knowing that people are still making out recklessly in embarrassingly tight clothing covered in sweat with eye liner and mascara running down their drunken faces.
However, it seems like my peaceful weekend sleeps may be interrupted by this whole "let's try to make the lodges classier movement." Even if I wanted to go to the lodges, just for kicks, (literally, like if I wanted to get kicked in the shins all night), I probably couldn't make it past the new "let's not have any more fun" police, who for some reason feel like three people per brother is an appropriate way to stop people from getting too crazy.
I mean the way I look at it, at least if everyone's drunk at lodges they're all together in one collective location. Lots of drunk people in one room may seem like a bad idea, but it's better than a bunch of drunk people meandering aimlessly.
It's much harder to keep track of the campus drunkards when they are stumbling around in the terribly lit and creepy forest area beyond the bridge over the lake.
Since it seems like only the chosen ones will be permitted to enter the lodges these days, the rest of us will have to resort to wandering the Richmond campus in our drunken haze, potentially falling in ditches, stubbing our toes on various hard surfaces, vandalizing the speed bump warning signs and potentially getting attacked by one of the many feral cats who have just been waiting for the lodge rules to change so that they can gang up on all the drunk kids with nowhere to go.
Now, to be honest, I don't really understand the new rules, the reason for their implementation, the plan to enforce them or how long they are going to be around. Despite its craziness, lodges are a time-honored tradition at Richmond, and nothing makes me sadder than the desecration of social institutions.
While I didn't even attempt to make the trek to the lodges this past weekend because the idea of getting rejected frightened me beyond belief, I did hear that there was some drama at the tables.
Also, it seems as if there are some complications that may arise from the rule of three - what happens if someone is on the list but ends up not making it to the lodges? I'm sure that there are plenty of biddies who would like to fill that spot, but nope, you're one biddie down and there's nothing you can do about it.
Darn list, fostering social rejection and breaking biddies' hearts one SpiderCard check at a time.
The lodges are what they are. They are loud, sweaty, gross, enclosed areas for bad decision-making, terrible outfits and finding that special someone on the porch, stage or stripper pole. But we have all accepted that grossness, embraced it, learned to expect it, and, in most cases, fallen madly in love with it. The three-per-brother rule just isn't going to fly.
Contact staff writer Gyra Chan at firstname.lastname@example.org.