The Collegian
Wednesday, February 01, 2023

College search for post-grad fulfillment starts

I have resigned myself to the pathetic fact that I will be living in my parents' basement for the rest of my life, hoping that they love me enough to support me for years to come while I wallow in the sad realization that I will never get a job.

As a second-semester senior, I'm moderately to majorly freaking out about my life post-graduation. What city am I going to be living in? Where will I be working? How will I make friends in the real world? How can you tell if someone at a bar is a nice person or a serial killer?

This sheer panic I feel for life after May is further multiplied by the fact that I'm an English major and have a devastating lack of life skills - I can't think of a more deadly combination for perpetual unemployment. If I hadn't gone to college, I would have been satisfied asking people if they wanted fries with their burgers for the rest of my life, but now that my parents have spent quite a bit of money on my schooling, I don't think that they would be very happy with me if I worked at a fast-food restaurant.

Since Burger King is out of the picture now, I lay awake at night thinking to myself, "Holy s***. You're graduating in a few months and you literally have no job opportunities at all. How will you buy Whole Foods produce if you're not making any money and your parents are no longer supporting you?!"

I calm myself by reassuring my inner voice that I will check SpiderConnect in the morning and apply to every single job that I could maybe, possibly, sort of qualify for. With that fluffy notion in mind I can finally drift off to sleep. Yet every morning I wake up too paralyzed with fear to actually start applying to jobs. This has been going on for a few months now and I still am not any closer to getting a job. It's actually starting to get pathetic, and the bags under my eyes are getting so bad that concealer is no longer doing the trick.

I have 15 copies of my individually sealed transcripts, cover letter and recommendations sitting in my desk drawer and I have yet to actually send them anywhere. I guess it's my own fault that my future is looking pretty bleak, but I have a feeling that I'm not the only one with this issue right now. There must be other seniors out there who don't know what they're doing and have to fight the urge to cry when people ask them, "So, what are you doing next year?"

I'm not sure exactly what it is, but there is something just absolutely overwhelming about searching for jobs. I think that in my case it might be because I actually have no idea at all what I want to do. I figured that after four years of exploring all that the liberal arts education had to offer, I would have found my passion and figured out how to pursue it at a professional level by now. But nope, not true.

Instead of finding something I absolutely love to do, I have found that I don't actually like doing anything in particular at all.

There is nothing that I'm really good at and there's nothing that I am passionate about doing every single day (except eating, napping and watching YouTube videos, but I don't think that I can be a professional fat, lazy person).

When I think about what I really want in life, what will make me feel fulfilled, I think about having a beautiful family one day, but obviously that's not going to cut it for now since I don't plan on doing the baby making or husband finding for quite some time, so what the heck am I going to do until then? Scary, right?

So, if you are terrified that you will graduate jobless and the entire family will frown in your general direction during reunions, rest assured, you are not at all alone.

More importantly, if you know anyone who wants to hire a quirky chick with short legs, an addiction to Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Cups and an undying devotion to Crystal Light Pure Strawberry Kiwi, please send them my way.

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And for all those seniors who already have a job or are going to grad school next year, I'm obscenely jealous, but the sincerest of congratulations!

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