Editor's note: The Collision is the historically satirical version of The Collegian, appearing as early as the 1930s. The following article is satire and in no way should be viewed as truth.
Tragedy struck the University of Richmond campus this week as a prominent Jepson School of Leadership Studies student spontaneously exploded in the middle of an interview.
The student was a Leadership Studies major with a concentration in Other Stuff. The Other Stuff program was started in 2017 to give leadership majors another point on their resumes.
The circumstances in which the student exploded were particularly mundane. It was a standard interview with AlphaSights, when out of nowhere, the student “literally exploded" when the interviewer asked what they had learned in Leadership 101, the interviewer, who preferred to remain anonymous, said.
“I’m learning to be Joan of Arc, while simultaneously developing the, um, indepe-…” the student said right before the explosion.
The source continued: “I thought it was a pretty standard question, which was why I was so surprised. I have only had one other applicant explode during an interview before, and I had been briefed on how this is something that could occur from a Jepson major. Nonetheless, you really don’t expect someone to blow up, right before your eyes.”
The leadership school surprisingly did not decline to comment on the tragedy. In a long statement, a Jepson official praised the student for their actions in the interview.
“Here at the Jepson School we brief our leadership majors on the 'Five-D’s of interviewing,'" The Jepson official said. "They are: Distract, Deny, Detest, Decree and if all else fails, Detonate.”
When the Jepson official was asked to describe the major the best they could in hopes of preventing such explosions in the future, they became agitated.
“Look over there! No! I hate that question! The leadership major is a comprehensive overview of leadership tac…” Then the official promptly exploded.
The Collision stopped interviewing Jepson personnel for comments following this interview.
Contact contributor Chris Cassella at email@example.com.