The Collegian
Saturday, August 08, 2020

Straight out of Compton (Vol. 6)

I've finally been outted by an online comment (don't we just love www.thecollegianur.com?) - I'm not really from Compton. My name just "grants me access to a pun," and to be honest, I didn't actually know who N.W.A. was. But whatever, we'll just call it irony that I actually come from the Midwest. I mean, St. Louis (my real hometown) is up there in standing, as far as rap music goes (until he semi-fell off the face of the earth, who didn't love Nelly? And J-Kwon and Chingy were clearly so legit). But I digress.

As far as the Midwest goes, Nelly may be more of a landmark for St. Louis than the Arch (I was asked on the first day of Orientation if it was made of metal or stone...I guess not everyone knows these things) and what else can I claim now that InBev bought out AB and no one knows what Toasted Ravioli is anyway? And who's ever heard of those other states in between New York and California? It's OK guys, I'm not bitter. But let me just tell you what you're missing out on.

I'll fly home tomorrow morning and, lo and behold, a non-stop flight to Lambert International Airport exists. Two points for St. Louis. It will most likely be raining, since spring breaks are inevitably dreary in my hometown, but I'll make up for it with lunch at St. Louis Bread Co. (for those of you that don't know, this is the original Panera - I don't eat it here. It's borderline sacrilegious).

As far as the rest of my week goes, it's up in the air. I foresee lots of sweatpants and Food Network. I only wish I owned a Slanket. Admittedly, I won't have anywhere too thrilling to go (google Branson, Mo. It's the number one destination in the state) and since all of my high school friends attend schools with different schedules, no one will be home. But hey, I'm going to have to recover from all those crazy weekends anyway, right Luke Filipos?

I'll probably just drive around (rarely passing 35 mph, always letting the other guy go first in the intersection...wait what? Someone I didn't know just smiled at me?) and buy a bunch of Hugo Diet Cokes, a McDonald's product only existing in certain states. Fourty-two ounces for 99 cents really can't be beat.

We'll see what else happens. In all reality, I'll probably end up wishing I was getting a tan somewhere. However, defense of the flyover states is always necessary, regardless of my spring break plans -- I mean, I really want to passionately vocalize my opinion regarding the harsh reality of a growing sense of region-ism on this campus? I just hope I used enough abstract reasoning this time.

Contact columnist Susie Compton at susie.compton@richmond.edu

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