Let's Talk about Sex, Baby: Booty Calls

Dear Sally,

I'm kind of diggin' this chick so I texted her, but she never texted back. Granted, it was 3 a.m., and I was one shot away from being ambulanced out of the party, but still ... what's her deal?

- Serial Sexter

Dear Sexter,

Ok, you have to get one thing straight: all calls/texts/tweets/smoke signals after 12 a.m. = booty call. No way around it, you're going to look desperate/skeezy if you only want to know what a lady's up to during the wee hours of the morning. That being said, if you want to roll with it anyway, at least try these tips:

1. Friday is prime time for booty calls - that way, if it doesn't work out, there's always Saturday.

2. Don't take it too personally if you don't get a response - maybe she's staying in or already passed out. But more than two unrequited booty calls = let it go.

3. Never, ever soberly acknowledge a booty call. If asked what you were calling about at 2:23 a.m. on a Friday, claim phone malfunction or sudden onset amnesia.

Love,

Sally

Inept at getting action or unsure about STDs? E-mail Sally anonymously at sallysexpert@gmail.com